Giving, and Giving Up.

The mall hasn't change from in twenty years. The names on the store fronts may not be the same but it is still the place where teenagers go to flirt, to meet and pair off. The Ex and I walk along the upper galore hand in hand, newly paired off. We meet up with a mutual friend. One of my best friends and her loosely called ex-boyfriend. My bolts in a fit of female angst tailor made to gauge my reaction. In that split second, I make a decision and abandon my friend to pursue her.

Eighteen years later, I was no long what she wanted and I was alone. I was taken in by a close group of friends. They became my friends and they taught me the value of true friendship. A lesson I have tried to pass on to others and to my own children.

Pandora questions my friendship with #1. I can understand her doubts and her jealousy. My feeling run deep when it comes to #1. My feelings run deep for all my friends. #1 and I have been through many things. I fell in love with her for a while. I've hated her. She's needed me and she's abandoned me. Still we we comeback to each other. Not as lovers, but as friends.

Friendships are governed by laws that differ from lovers. Pandora and I have crossed the line. She has asked me to pull back from #1. A term I don't really understand. I cannot be half a friend, not when I have committed my friendship to someone.

I am the candle flame. Pandora is the moth. We dance before each other. Avoiding being smothered. Avoiding being burned. Her love for me is frightening. It's manic. Consuming. But I do not come alone. I am myself and the sum of those around me. The ones that prop me up when I can barely stand. The ones that fail to turn from me when I stand stripped of everything before them.

I can give my friendship, my love, my passion my devotion to someone- only one gets all these things. The one I am told I deserve. The one who will stand before the storm. The one who will suffer the void-because I am their strength, I fill their heart. I fire their passion. Like no one else.