It's not a fairy tale romance. They do write stories like this but not at Harlequin. This is more twisted. Think Running with Scissors--And Tripping A Few Times. So #1 moved in with me, and her son--and the dog. It's all very new. My boys like the arrangement. They like the dog, her and son. I like the arrangement too.
My friends don't like the idea-- they worry. They want me to be happy. I am. Life is full of compromises. This situation is no different. No one is being hurt. I don't know how to explain it to anyone. I don't think she does either.
I'm not sure I can post things here anymore. I no longer know what to say. I'm sorry for those of you who liked to read my words. Perhaps I will post again when the mood strikes me. Please feel free to read the archives. Those are where the good post are anyway. I can't explain this lack of inspiration. Perhaps it is a fear of being judged.
Goodbye
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Look Into The Crystal Ball See The Glitter
It started with that psychic again-- well actually that isn't really fair-- it started about 18 months ago in a noisy bar with a few drinks, a cute girl and a guy with a gift for telling stories but that is history found within the blog.
So I am at the Stonewood bar again. Sam, Alexis and I are crammed around a tiny square table waiting our turn for a reading. The other tables are full, mostly of women eating their fill of the bucket of chicken special that accompanies psychic night. They call my name. The surrounding din almost prevents me from hearing it.
I walk over to take a seat in front of Lynn, the psychic. Before my ass hits the chair Lynn says to me, "you are having issues with a girl named "&%#$". She used her name. Her real name. The name I don't even call her, at least not to her face. Then she told me how the next three months were going to unfold. I didn't believe her. I always felt Lynn was more mind reader then psychic. But she laid it out--one, two, three.
I thanked her. Pulling #1's name out would make a nice story to tell. That was three months ago. I don't think I have done much to shape the events to Lynn's predictions. I have little control but it has all come true. My friends will think I'm mad when they read this. The know the predictions.
Everything is changing. I am a little scared. Was Lynn's predicting or warning me? "Better watch what you wish for," my friend Oti states as I unravel the tale for him. I don't believe you never get what you wish for. Everything in life is a compromise. But if I die tomorrow, I won't regret today.
So I am at the Stonewood bar again. Sam, Alexis and I are crammed around a tiny square table waiting our turn for a reading. The other tables are full, mostly of women eating their fill of the bucket of chicken special that accompanies psychic night. They call my name. The surrounding din almost prevents me from hearing it.
I walk over to take a seat in front of Lynn, the psychic. Before my ass hits the chair Lynn says to me, "you are having issues with a girl named "&%#$". She used her name. Her real name. The name I don't even call her, at least not to her face. Then she told me how the next three months were going to unfold. I didn't believe her. I always felt Lynn was more mind reader then psychic. But she laid it out--one, two, three.
I thanked her. Pulling #1's name out would make a nice story to tell. That was three months ago. I don't think I have done much to shape the events to Lynn's predictions. I have little control but it has all come true. My friends will think I'm mad when they read this. The know the predictions.
Everything is changing. I am a little scared. Was Lynn's predicting or warning me? "Better watch what you wish for," my friend Oti states as I unravel the tale for him. I don't believe you never get what you wish for. Everything in life is a compromise. But if I die tomorrow, I won't regret today.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Stoic Passion
Compassion- the distress arising from the wretchedness of a neighbor in undeserved suffering, Stoic definition.
I can wither away but no one I deem worthy of my attention is allowed undue suffering. An irrational thought, I know. Even more so when we stop and consider much of what we suffer can be directly attributed to our own actions. That being said, it still doesn't change my feelings.
Emotions are not guided be rational logic. I believe our emotions are the direct result of the accumulated experiences of our lives. New experiences trigger emotions derived from past experiences. The older we get the more burdened by these experiences we become. It was all so much simpler when we were fresh out of the womb.
"Welcome to my life," #1 states after a brief encounter with the things she deals with on a daily basis. I want to tell her it is the choices she has made that has exposed her to these problems. It is not worth the argument, nor is it as simple as all that. She has fears created by other experiences; stronger experiences that would take years for a relationship with me to undo. If it ever could at all. We don't have years.
The puppy is asleep at my feet. I know, she is not supposed to be staying here at all. #1 is working.
"She's not staying the night." I tell her as she pulls away. Of course all bets are off if #1 decides to spend the night.
"I know." She replies.
"I'll stick her out on the porch if you don't come get her!" My threats do no good though. #1 knows better. I seldom deny her. Damn dog. She better watch out, someone as already offered to take her; another who is quickly gaining my compassion. My life is a tangle skein.
I can wither away but no one I deem worthy of my attention is allowed undue suffering. An irrational thought, I know. Even more so when we stop and consider much of what we suffer can be directly attributed to our own actions. That being said, it still doesn't change my feelings.
Emotions are not guided be rational logic. I believe our emotions are the direct result of the accumulated experiences of our lives. New experiences trigger emotions derived from past experiences. The older we get the more burdened by these experiences we become. It was all so much simpler when we were fresh out of the womb.
"Welcome to my life," #1 states after a brief encounter with the things she deals with on a daily basis. I want to tell her it is the choices she has made that has exposed her to these problems. It is not worth the argument, nor is it as simple as all that. She has fears created by other experiences; stronger experiences that would take years for a relationship with me to undo. If it ever could at all. We don't have years.
The puppy is asleep at my feet. I know, she is not supposed to be staying here at all. #1 is working.
"She's not staying the night." I tell her as she pulls away. Of course all bets are off if #1 decides to spend the night.
"I know." She replies.
"I'll stick her out on the porch if you don't come get her!" My threats do no good though. #1 knows better. I seldom deny her. Damn dog. She better watch out, someone as already offered to take her; another who is quickly gaining my compassion. My life is a tangle skein.
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