A Year Ago

It started with a comment, a kindness on your part. I wondered. "Who is this person?"

Later I read YOUR writing. It was real and conversational. It reviled your passion, your wit and your struggle. I found myself drawn into your life through your words and routing for the heroine.

Then, I offered you a hand with your blog. I did not think anything of it. It was simple for me and I often offer help. Emails turned to instant messages. I began looking forward to our chats in the morning. Your sense of humor keeps me smiling. My jokes are appreciated. We exchange photos. I show you the boys. I get to see an eye, then a nose, then a beautiful girl but it was innocent. Nothing I haven't done before.

But something about you is different. Our conversations continue and my interest increases. First I break one of my rules then another. Our conversation becomes more flirtatious. We discuss the possibility of meeting. I can not resist the attraction, the charm and the humor coming from this person I've never met.

"Call me!" The statement catches me off guard. "Get on it, do it now."

Call you. But you'll hear me. Another barrier will be gone. What if you do not like the way I sound? What if you can't put the words on the screen with the voice on the phone?

I call, I'm nervous, my heart is pounding. It is strange getting to know someone backwards. Your voice is posh, fast but sweet. I sound strange to you. Then its over and your voice is still ringing in my ears. Later that night I get a text message. "nice to talk to you". Well that's encouraging. The next day our instant messages continue. I try to be serious, then I read "u have a really cute voice". I turn two shades redder and my heart beats fast. The smile will not leave my face. One thought of you and I can not help but grin.

"So Croaker what happens if Miss America falls in love with you between now and when I am ready to visit. Are you still gonna pester me?"

Of course, not knowing if I can make you smile, not seeing if you laugh at my jokes, not having all cohesive thought erased from my brain by a meaningful glance of your eyes.....THAT I would forever regret.