Have you ever placed someone on a mental pedestal? Like a god or goddess who's actions were beyond reproach. A person whose being was beyond yourself or those around you. Someone who's personality was unlike anyone else you ever met.
I knew such a girl once. She was smart, and she was pretty and she believed in me like no one ever had before. She had an indescribable presence that inspired extreme adoration or extreme loathing. She invoked no mundane feeling from others. For me, a few moments with her and everything was right in the world. I felt calm and at peace as if drugged by her presence. I loved her. Yet, I had never even kissed her.
She placed me on a pedestal of my own. The thoughts that created the fluted column were not the same as the ones in my head that created her pedestal but I was there, above the rest. But, I was not a god. Eventually, my humanity leaked through. My flaws created flaws in the pedestal. My weaknesses caused my pedestal to topple and shatter into fragments never to be restored.
Over time, the pedestal in my mind where she still stands has overgrown with vines. Fractures have appeared on her facade and she is now just another statue in the garden of my thoughts.
I miss the feeling of calm her presence created for me. I miss feeling that all in the world is right. I search for it in others that I meet but I have not found it. I search for it with a longing fostered in the knowledge that these feeling can exist.
The gods that do exist mock me. They have us cross paths occasionally. Its funny, those you wish to see again never appear, while those memories you wish would go away have a way of returning. When we meet, we stare, then turn away without a word as humans who have not learned to communicate will do, and we go on with our lives. Some marvels are only created once.
'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know-- Vertical Horizon
